This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
“You fool. No man can kill me.”
How many times am I allowed to reblog this before it gets weird?
Fun facts: Tolkien constructed this scene because he came out of Macbeth thinking that Shakespeare had missed a golden opportunity with the ”Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn the power of man, for none of woman born shall harm Macbeth” prophecy
Being letdown by Macbeth is apparently a significant factor in Tolkien’s writing because the Ent/Huorn attack on Isengard was the result of his disappointment that the whole “til Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane” thing was just some dudes holding sticks and not actual ambulatory trees.
so he basically took his favorite shakespeare headcanons and put them into his AU fic
This revelation just knocked me over.
LET ME TELL YOU A THING ABOUT JOHN RONALD REUEL TOLKIEN. BACK THE FUCK UP SIT THE FUCK DOWN YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING YOU’RE FUCKING JON SNOW HERE. LET ME TELL U A THING
JONNY T WAS LITERALLY THE BIGGEST FANBOY TO EVER WALK THE EARTH. LITERALLY THIS FUCKIN NERD WENT INTO WORLD WAR ONE AND WROTE NORSEFIC EDDA FANFIC IN THE TRENCHES AND SENT IT TO ALL HIS FRIENDS WHO WERE PRESUMABLY LIKE “JOHN WHAT THE FUCK”
BUT IT DOESN’T END THERE
HIS WIFE? MADE HER AND HIMSELF INTO SELF-INSERT OCS IN SAID FIC. ALSO MADE HIMSELF A TOTAL TYR SELF INSERT CHARACTER. ALL VERY DRAMATIC. KEPT WRITING THIS FIC UNTIL IT WAS HUGE. AFTER HE DIED HIS SON PUBLISHED IT AND CALLED IT THE SILMARILLION. JRR YOU FUCKIN NERD
WAIT I’M NOT FUCKING DONE YET. TREEBEARD? BASED THE WAY HE TALKED OF HIS OLD FRIEND JACK WHO YOU ALL MIGHT KNOW AS CS LEWIS. THAT’S RIGHT. THAT NARNIA MOTHERFUCKER. WROTE HIM INTO LORD OF THE RINGS AKA THE SEQUEL TO THE SEQUEL OF HIS ORIGINAL FANFIC MASTERPIECE. CS LEWIS FUCKING HATED LORD OF THE RINGS. TOLKIEN FUCKING HATED NARNIA. BASICALLY THEY STARTED THE OXFORD PROFESSOR LIVEJOURNAL CLUB AND THEY FLAMED EACH OTHER’S SHIT RELENTLESSLY YET REMAINED BFFS
SHELOB? FUCKING TARANTULA BIT J-TIDDY ON THE FOOT WHEN HE WAS LIKE 3. WROTE IT INTO LORD OF THE RINGS.
HIS AUNT’S HOUSE? NAMED BAG END. YEAH YOU GUESSED IT WROTE IT INTO LORD OF THE RINGS
THIS FUCKING DORKUS SUPREME MADE UP HIS OWN LANGUAGE. WAIT NO IM WRONG. HE MADE UP LIKE 80 LANGUAGES AND DIALECTS AND ALPHABETS AND SHIT
BEST PART OF ALL?? HIS OWN LAST NAME, TOLKIEN, WAS DERIVED FROM THE GERMAN “TOLKHUN” MEANING “FOOLHARDY”. DOES THAT RING A BELL TO ANYONE FAMILIAR TO LORD OF THE RINGS??? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT PEREGRIN “PIPPIN” TOOK’S LIKE FUCKING CATCHPHRASE WAS “FOOL OF A TOOK”. TOLKIEN FIC’D HIS OWN FAMILIAL LINGUISTIC HISTORY INTO HIS WORK WHAT A DWEEB
IN 2008 HE RANKED 6TH ON A LIST OF THE TOP 50 BRITISH WRITERS SINCE 1945. HE WAS A PROFESSOR OF LANGUAGES AND OTHER IMPORTANT STUFFY SHIT AT OXFORD
AND JRR TOLKIEN WAS THE BIGGEST DWEEB EVER TO LIVE
THE END#somebody fuckin censored this post like a weirdo so i had to go back a bit to find an uncensored version????? #what a fuckin weirdo????????#worth it #lotr #jrrtWHO THE FUCK CENSORED MY GLORIOUS FUCKING RANT ON TOLKIENDO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THERE’S A VERSION FLOATING AROUND WITHOUT ALL MY SWEARSUNBELIEVABLETHIS IS THE WORK OF MORGOTH I TELL YOU
WHAT DO WE WANT?
PROFESSIONALLY FILMED STAGE MUSICALS!!
WHERE DO WE WANT IT?
DC is being all gritty and “realistic” and Marvel just had a movie where the galaxy is saved by a dance-off and the power of friendship
After seeing the dramatic results from the Ice Bucket Challenge, Indian journalist Manju Latha Kalanidhi was compelled to start something similar, but with an Indian slant. “I felt like doing something more locally tangible. Rice is a staple here,” Kalanidhi told CNN. “We eat it every day, we can store it for months. Why not donate rice to someone who is hungry?”
Just read through ALL of this…these people are INCREDIBLY organized and have collected almost every piece of information out - and they are asking some amazing questions.
“Chris Evans has been known to grab people’s left boob, so my question for both of you is have you ever had your left boob grabbed by Chris Evans?” (x)
this is fucked up. this fucked me up. the teachers fucked up by not showing us this fuck up. fuck.
i’m 28 and never knew this
Once I was walking home with some law school friends and they were like ”Why are you walking up that street your street is like three more streets up”
"Yeah but there’s a house on this street and sometimes their golden retriever naps in the sun on the sidewalk and I like to give him belly rubs"
Now all the law students walk up belly rub lane because law school is stressful and dogs rock
I bet that is the happiest dog
senior quotes class of 1957
high schoolers have literally not changed at all
Can we all please take a moment to appreciate Hagrid here? Seriously, everyone always talks about how Harry has no father figure and how terrible it was for Sirius to die because now Harry’s all alone (dont get me wrong, Sirius is my favorite character) but honestly, Hagrid is the best father Harry ever had. He did so much for him, and no one, sometimes not even Harry realizes that. Hagrid gets no where near the mount of credit he deserves. Take a minute and try to imagine where Harry would be with out him and you’ll understand what im talking about.
I think JKR said it was really important to her that Hagrid carried him out of the forest, because he carried him to safety when he was a baby. Hagrid has been there since the beginning, and he was also there at the culmination of Harry’s journey. He’s always cared SO MUCH and been really open with Harry for the most part, which is something Harry needs since people tend to keep secrets from him. Yeah, he’s irresponsible with the monsters, but all of Harry’s father figures were pretty irresponisble, and Hagrid was definitely like, the most solid and reliable out of all of them. And he never left.
Hagrid was also most like a parent in his correction of Harry. For Sirius and Molly, Harry could do no wrong. Dumbledore saw Harry’s flaws, but he depended on them for his own plans to work.
But Hagrid saw Harry for exactly who he was, good and bad. He was the first to publicly defend Harry’s innocence anytime he got blamed for something he didn’t do; but he was also the first to call Harry out on his treatment of Hermione in PoA. He is consistently honest and forthright in addressing Harry’s behaviour and choices, and always acts in the way he believes will be best for Harry’s growth and especially for his moral development.
Harry is the man he is because of Hagrid. No one else did that for him.
Awesome point, awesome awesome.
We’re seeking submissions of Young Adult stories with asexual/aromantic main characters! We’re looking for main characters ages 14-18 who experience positive character growth though the story.
Please see the information in the poster above or check our our submission guidelines.
See a more complete list of what we’re looking for at the original post. And please, give us feedback if there’s something you’d like to see that we’ve left out.
I will boost this as much as possible. Seeing ace stories when I was younger would have made a world of difference, and even now that I’m older and know what I identify as, there still aren’t enough stories about people like me. Kudos to HIP for being so proactive about the representation available through their publishing house.
Reblogging because this is super cool, but also because my novella (while it has asexual characters) is a bit short to fit the wordcount.
But you can get it on amazon - borrow for free as an amazon prime member :) And if a lot of you are interested, let me know and I can set up a giveaway day, where you can all download a free copy.
Is there a deadline for this? I want to submit something but it would take a while to write
Nope! It’s a perpetual call.
Stop chasing other peoples bodies as your goal body.
Your body and their body are not the same. No amount of training and dieting is going to help you feel comfortable in your own skin. It may boost your confidence, but in the end you have to want to be in your own skin.
Your wellness is just as important as your fitness and health.